Have you ever made a decision and then spent the next several hours -or days- questioning whether you made the right one?
Maybe you replayed the conversation, wondered what someone else would have done, or worried that you made the wrong choice. Maybe you found yourself looking for reassurance or second-guessing your ability to make good decisions.
Many of us struggle to trust ourselves. We question our judgment, look to others to validate our choices, and sometimes avoid making decisions altogether because we're afraid of getting it wrong.
What if trusting yourself wasn't about knowing you'll always make the right decision, but knowing you'll have your own back regardless of the outcome?
Self-trust doesn't mean getting everything right
Sometimes we think being confident means being certain. We believe that if we really trusted ourselves, we'd know exactly what to do, wouldn't second-guess our choices, and wouldn't make mistakes.
But that's a pretty unrealistic expectation.
Self-trust isn't about having all the answers. It's about believing in your ability to make a decision with the information you have, navigate the uncertainty, and figure things out along the way.
You can make a decision that doesn't work out and still trust yourself. You can change your mind without questioning your judgment. You can make a mistake without deciding you're incapable of making good choices.
When you trust yourself, you don't need every decision to have a guaranteed outcome before you're willing to make it.
You trust that whatever happens, you'll be able to work through it.
Stop abandoning yourself when things get uncomfortable
Having your own back also means not abandoning yourself when things don't go as planned.
Think about what happens when you make a mistake or experience disappointment. Do you immediately turn against yourself? Do you question your abilities, criticize your choices, or wish you had been someone different?
Or can you pause, acknowledge what happened, and remind yourself that you're still on your own team?
Having your own back means being willing to support yourself even when you're struggling.
It means not making your worth dependent on how well you perform, how much you accomplish, or whether other people approve of your decisions.
It means being your own cheerleader instead of your own worst critic.
And it means recognizing that you don't have to get everything right to deserve your own support.
Become someone you can count on
Every time you follow through on something that matters to you, honor a need, speak up for yourself, or make a decision based on your values, you're reinforcing the message that you can count on yourself.
This doesn't mean you have to keep every commitment regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes honoring yourself means recognizing that you need to adjust your plans or give yourself a break.
The goal isn't perfection. It's showing yourself that your needs, feelings, and values matter enough to be considered.
Start small:
Make a decision without asking everyone else what they think.
Follow through on a commitment you've made to yourself.
Give yourself credit for something you've handled well.
Speak up when something doesn't feel right.
When you make a mistake, focus on what you can learn rather than what you did wrong.
Stop looking for someone else to give you permission to make choices that are yours to make.
These little moments add up. Over time, you begin to develop confidence in your ability to show up for yourself.
Be proud of yourself
Something else that gets overlooked when we talk about self-trust is recognizing what we're doing right.
We can be quick to point out our mistakes, but how often do we stop to acknowledge our accomplishments?
Do you give yourself credit for the difficult conversation you had? The boundary you maintained? The decision you made even though it felt uncomfortable? The progress you've made, even if you aren't where you want to be yet?
You don't have to wait until you've accomplished something extraordinary to be proud of yourself.
Celebrate the little things. Recognize your growth. Give yourself credit for trying.
When you consistently overlook your efforts and focus only on what you haven't done, it's difficult to develop a sense of confidence in yourself.
Let yourself see the person you're becoming, not just the things you still want to improve.
Have your own back
Imagine approaching your life knowing that you don't have to be perfect, have all the answers, or make everyone happy to feel good about yourself.
Imagine trusting yourself enough to make decisions, knowing that you can handle the outcome. Imagine being able to make a mistake without losing confidence in who you are.
That's what having your own back looks like.
It doesn't mean you'll never doubt yourself or need support from other people. It means you don't have to abandon your own judgment, needs, or values just because someone disagrees with you or something doesn't go as planned.
You can be a work in progress and still be someone you believe in.