How People-Pleasing Showed Up on My Vacation

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably learned along the way - either directly or indirectly - that you’re more likable when you go along with the program, when you don’t rock the boat and when you are agreeable, even at your own expense.

You may have struggled with fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of conflict, or all of the above.

So, you take on more - even when your plate is full. You go places and do things that make you uncomfortable or don’t bring you any joy. You avoid difficult conversations, leaving you stuck in relationships you don’t want to be in and in jobs that fill you with dread.

I know this because I did this too.

I’ve taken steps to work on these behaviors.

I use coaching tools regularly to break the cycle.

It hasn’t been easy, but I have made big changes.

But every now and then…those sneaky people-pleasing behaviors come creeping back in.

Here’s how they showed up for me on my vacation:

Being “Helpful” to Other Guests

Maybe it’s because of my past experience in Resort Guest Services, or maybe I just want to be everyone’s hero, but I often find myself offering my services to total strangers. We live in a tourist destination so I have ample opportunity to interact with visitors. And on vacation, I found myself offering helpful tips and information to the people around me. This could be seen as kind. After all, we do live in the aloha state. But when I go out of my way to help others at the cost of my own enjoyments and relaxation, I know that I am reverting back to those old people-pleasing behaviors.

Being “Liked” by the Staff

Again, because of my previous experience, I know how hard the staff works. I noticed myself trying to be a “good” guest. I was loading up my own luggage so I didn’t bother the Bellman. I was doing my own dishes to make it easier for Housekeeping. I didn’t complain when I couldn’t get the TV to work and didn’t get a response from Guest Services. I am not suggesting I should leave the room a mess or act rudely to the staff, but I had to remind myself that the very reason for this vacation was to relax and take a break from adulting. I also remembered that there are no awards given for Best Guest.

Being “Approved Of” by Social Media

Because my son and I were staying at a resort where we are lucky enough to live, we just wanted to relax and take a break from our every day lives. We didn’t want to see the sights or be amongst the crowds at the pool or the beach. We mostly just hid in our room and played Minecraft online with friends (him) and watched Grey’s Anatomy in bed eating chips (me). But I started to worry what other people would think. I noticed the urge to go out and take pictures of our stay and show everyone what a wonderful time we were having. I worried that people would think we were having a boring stay or that some might even think it a waste to stay in a resort on the ocean and stay inside most of the time. But then I reminded myself that the vacation was about me, not anyone on social media.

Recovering from people-pleasing doesn’t have to mean being unkind or selfish. It doesn’t mean being rude. It just means prioritizing your own needs without guilt or fear. It means being in your own power to live in a way that feels true to you.

If this resonates with you, we may be a good fit to coach together. I invite you to schedule a free consultation to meet, talk about what you are navigating and see if I am the right coach for you. I can’t wait to meet you.