When Saying No Feels Uncomfortable

When it comes to parenting, I am fairly lenient because 1) I have let go of the need for control and 2) (full disclosure) I like to keep the peace and am still a bit uncomfortable with my teenage son’s big emotional reactions when I say no.

Recently, he bought a TV for his bedroom with his own money. I picked up the extra cable box for him, with the instructions inside so he could connect it himself. On a school night after dinner, he asked if he could set it up “real quick” before doing his homework.

I paused to think.

I knew it wouldn’t be “real quick,” and I knew he would want to watch it right away. That would make it much harder for him to shift gears and get motivated to do his homework. I’m trying to think about the long game instead of what is easiest in the moment.

So I said no.

He was NOT happy.

He slammed his bedroom door and let out a huge sigh of frustration and disappointment. I wanted to backpedal. I wanted to change my answer to yes. I wanted to keep him from being mad at me.

But I knew in my bones it was the right decision.

So I took a deep breath and let it be uncomfortable. And we survived.

Not everyone will like, appreciate, or even understand your no — and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean you need to stop caring about other people’s feelings. It means you can allow those feelings to exist while still doing what is in your (or even their) best interest.

If saying no feels uncomfortable, join my live Coaching Circle: Saying No with Kindness on Wednesday, June 3rd. I’ll be sharing practical tools and mindset shifts so you can walk away with more confidence and clarity around saying no.